The Fear Of Losing You
by detective.stanakatic
Summary: Kate almost gets shot again. With this near death experience all the nightmares and the fear of losing him return.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N This was originally supposed to be a one shot but I ended up writing four chapters. Hope you enjoy it!**

Tears fell down her eyes as the nightmare engulfed her. She clutched the sheets as she fought through another one. It was a series of flashbacks from her life.

All her fears together.

All together in one.

 _She ran towards his body and screamed. She cradled his head in her lap and said_

 _"Rick! Rick! Stay with me Rick I love you. Please stay with me."_

 _She could feel the tears stream down her cheeks, she could feel his blood on her hands. She continued crying and screaming._

 _"Rick please stay with me. Please oh god you can't leave me." She screamed._

She squeezed her eyes shut and buried her face in her pillow. Trying to fight the nightmare.

 _She was back at her shooting. But he saved her. He took the bullet meant for her. It was her screaming in pain as he lay on the ground and his eyes closed._

 _"Stay with me Rick."_

 _"Oh god I need help! Can someone please help he has been shot!"_

 _"Rick, I love you. Oh god I love you please don't leave me."_

 _She could once again feel the tears pouring down. She could feel the pain in her heart as she held the man she loved._

Kate twisted around in her bed. Trying so hard to fight the nightmare. These nightmares were demons that she fought. They came alive at night and she couldn't do anything to save herself .

 _He was shot once again. There was a shooting she was too late. She held his head in her arms as he fought for his life. She couldn't stop crying as she felt his blood on her hands._

 _He held up his hand and touched Kate's cheek and whispered_

 _"I love you Kate."_

 _Kate started crying even harder and said_

 _"Castle no. Babe no please Rick stay with me I need you."_

 _"Kate.."_

 _He whispered until his eyes gently closed forever._

Kate suddenly woke up and screamed his name

"Rick!"

She looked around with scared eyes until she realised it was just a dream. Tears were streaming down her cheeks as she gasped for breath. She was trembling and sweating. The room was suffocating her and she couldn't think clearly.

She needed to breathe. She couldn't breathe.

She took her shirt off and threw it on one corner of the room and did the same with her shorts. She sat there in just her bra and underwear and tried to calm herself. She was use to nightmares but after what she experienced today, she knew they would get worse tonight.

She bought her knees up to her chest and wrapped a blanket around herself and buried her face in her palms. She kept on whispering to herself

"It's just a dream. He is alive. He is okay."

She didn't know for how long she stayed there. She was panicking. She was trying to calm down but she could not. She had experienced this often after she was shot and Doctor Burke had told her she couldn't let the nightmares control her.

She was trying to stay calm but she eventually started crying even harder and could only whisper his name

"Rick."

She looked on the side table where her phone lay. It was 1:30 am now. He was away on a book tour and she didn't want to disturb him. She would be okay. She always is. She buried her head in his pillow and closed her eyes hoping that she would get some comfort.

As soon as she closed her eyes the flashbacks appeared.

She could feel the bullet go through her heart once again. She could feel him holding her tight. She could hear him say those three words. She could hear it clearly.

 _"Kate I love you."_

She squeezed her eyes shut hoping she could get the voice out of her head.

 _"Stay with me Kate. I love you."_

She tried to block her thoughts but it wasn't work out. She lay in bed, falling asleep and waking up soon after with his name on her lips. She kept on trying to sleep. But it was of no help. Today she had let the demons win. Nothing could stop them.

She kept on shifting and turning in bed and until she just lay there and stared at the ceiling.

She was going to try to sleep again when suddenly she heard her phone ring. She tried to look for it in the tangle of sheets, but by the time she found it was too late. The phone had switched off by the time she found it.

She switched it on and took a deep breathe.

It was him.

She saw the time it was 3 am. She was surprised that he had called so late. She was just going to call him back when I text message popped up on her screen.

'Hey babe! So sorry I called so late I didn't realise what the time was. Anyways my book tour has ended early I may be home sooner! Love you! Call me when you get this.'

She closed the message and went on her contacts wondering if she should call him. She took a deep a breathe and pressed on his name and called. He picked up after three rings and she soon heard his familiar voice.

"Hey. I'm sorry did I wake you up?"

She closed her eyes as she heard his voice. He was there. Safe. Alive. She knew it was only a nightmare but she couldn't keep it out of her mind.

"H-Hey. It's okay I was awake." She barely whispered.

"Well I think you have read my message but I'm coming home soon!"

She could almost see that brilliant smile of his as she heard him say these words. She felt a tear escape from her eyes when she replied

"T-That's great."

She was met with silence on his end when she heard his voice again, full of worry.

"Kate is everything all right?"

"Rick.." She barely whispered.

Her voice broke and tears started falling down her cheeks even faster now.

"Kate? Kate what's wrong? Please talk to me." He said.

She could almost see him sitting in a chair his eyes full of worry.

She bought the sheets up to her chest and clutched them tight and whispered "Rick.. I almost got shot today."

Castle felt like his entire world was spinning. He sat down on a chair as the words sank in.

Shot. He had almost lost her again.

"Kate.. Are you okay?"

She replied back in a small and scared voice and said "The nightmares they are back again. You left me. Y-You left me."

His heart broke a little as he heard this words. He took a deep breathe in and said

"I'm right here Kate. I'm here. I'm coming home babe. I'm coming back."

"No Rick. I'm fine now. Please finish your work."

She was obviously in pain but she still didn't admit it. She was strong. Oh so strong. They continued to talk for a little while. He was trying to comfort her the entire time.

They finally put the phone down and Castle buried his face in his hands. He had to be with her. He had to go back. He picked up his phone and called just the right person to get him back home. Back to the love of his life.

"Hey Paula it's me. I need to get home tonight. Something has come up."

 **A/N I know Kate may seem a bit ooc but I love writing about the emotional side to her. I think for someone who has been through so much Kate must have an emotional and vulnerable side that only Castle gets to see. This story is already complete on** **Instagram** **so I'll be posting the other three chapters soon. Hope you liked it :)**


	2. Chapter 2

Rick sat at the airport waiting for his plane to come. He still couldn't believe it.

She had almost got shot again. It had been years since she had been shot at Montgomery's funeral but not a day went by without him worrying about her. If she got shot he didn't know what he would do.

She was his entire life, they were getting married in two months. If something happened to her.

He couldn't even think about couldn't go through that again.

He ran his hand through his hair and and wished he could be there for her. She sounded like she was really scared. Anyone would be.

He looked at his watch and looked at the time

"Where the hell is this plane?" He muttered.

He took a sip of his coffee and waited for the plane to come and take him back home to her.

Kate twisted and turned in bed still trying to sleep. Every time she closed her eyes the flashbacks would appear.

She would be back at Montgomery's funeral. She could still feel the bullet slice through her chest. She could still hear him confess his love for her. She could still hear the desperation in his voice. She could still see the pain in his brilliant blue eyes as she went of in a world of her own.

Kate decided she couldn't stay in bed any longer, so she got up to go to the bathroom. She had the day off at the precinct so she couldn't go back there.

As she went to the bathroom she stared at her reflection in the mirror. Who was this? She wondered. Her hair had come loose around her shoulders. Her cheeks were stained with tears. Her eyes were red from crying. She took in her appearance and noticed her scar. She touched the scar between her breasts.

If she hadn't moved in time there would be another scar. Would she have survived this time? Could she cheat death once again? She switched the tap on and started splashing the ice cold water on her face. As soon as the water came in contact with her face she gasped.

The day with Vulcan Simmons was back. She could still feel her hair being pulled back as she was dunked in the water again. She could still feel the blood drip down her face as she got hit again and again.

Kate grabbed the sides of the sink and squeezed her eyes shut.

"Get a grip on yourself Kate. It's all in the past." She whispered to herself.

She stumbled back against the wall and fell on the floor. She bought her knees up to her chest and buried her face in her knees. "When did I become so weak? When did I become so vulnerable?" She said to herself.

She could feel the tears escape her eyes once again. She didn't know for how long she just stayed on the bathroom floor. She didn't know for how long she cried. But soon she got up and wiped her face. She went outside the bathroom and grabbed her t shirt and shorts that she had thrown away earlier that night.

She grabbed new clothes from her closet and changed. She fixed her hair and grabbed her phone and car keys and left the house. Before she knew it she was near her mothers grave. She sat in the car and stared at it. Whenever she got scared or worried about something she came to visit her mother. It was something familiar. She just needed her sometimes and this is the closest she could be with her. It was something that made her feel better. She got out of the car and slowly went to her grave.

"Hey mom." She whispered.

Castle was in the cab finally on his way home. It felt like her phone call had been hours ago. He just wanted to go home and hold her in his arms and tell her everything will be okay. That he was here for her. He hadn't told her he was coming home now. He knew she would hate it. He looked outside the window and noticed the traffic building up. After what seemed like hours, he finally reached home.

He paid the cab driver and made his way up home. As soon as he reached outside the loft's door he stopped. He didn't know what to see behind those doors. He didn't know how she was right now. He was scared that he might say or do something wrong, his actions might make her hide behind the comfort of her wall again. She said she loved him but.. What if he does something wrong? He didn't know what to expect. But he knew he had to be there for her.

He took a deep breathe and unlocked the door to the loft. He stepped inside and noticed it was very quiet. He knew mother and Alexis were away so it was only her over here. She had insisted on staying back at her apartment but all of the Castle's told her that now this was her home. Mother and Alexis had only left two days ago. She had been alone for only two days.

He dropped his suitcase and went further inside and called out to her

"Kate."

"Rick" he heard a voice behind him.

He turned around and found her standing at the door looking at him with surprise.

"Kate." He said .

"Oh my god Rick." She came running towards him and hugged him tight.

"You're home." She said.

He kissed the top of her head and she hugged him tight.

"I'm right here Kate." He whispered.

 **A/N Please leave a review :)**


	3. Chapter 3

Kate pulled away from Rick and asked

"Why are you home so early?"

"I wanted to be back home. With you."

Kate looked down and bit her lip.

"Rick.. You didn't have to leave your work for this. I'm fine."

Rick put his finger on her chin and lifted her face up and said "Kate. I wanted to come back. I'm sorry I wasn't there when you called and when I heard your voice I was so scared. I needed to come back."

Kate hugged him tight and said "I'm sorry you had to come back. I was just.. Scared."

"Babe please don't apologise you have nothing to be sorry for. None of this is your fault."

Rick pulled away from the hug and said "Do you want to talk about it? Tell me all about it?"

"Can we go to bed and talk? I just.. I need you Rick."

"Let's go"

Rick held her hand in reply and led her to there bedroom.

"Do you want to take a shower first?"

Kate asked.

"Only if you'll join me." Rick replied smiling. She smiled in return and said "Sure."

They stripped of their clothes and switched the shower on. Rick got in first but Kate hesitated a bit.

"What's wrong?" Rick asked.

"It's nothing.." Kate replied. She slowly stepped into the shower and felt Rick place his arms around her waist. She leaned towards his chest and kissed his lips.

"I'm right here Kate. I'm not going anywhere."

He whispered and wrapped his arms around as buried her face in his chest.

Soon both of them were out of the shower. Kate slipped on one of Rick's t shirts as he got to the bed.

He removed the comforter and held Kate's hand and led her to bed.

"Come on." He said.

Both of them got into bed together and soon as they were in, Kate pressed herself against Rick, he placed his arms around her and she put her's across his chest. Their legs were tangled together and they faced each other, barely leaving any space in between.

They stared at each other lost in each other's eyes as Rick bought his lips against her's and gently kissed her and asked

"Do you want to talk about what happened?" Kate pulled away from him and looked down and took a deep breathe in. She looked back at him and smiled "Yes." She said.

"I was chasing after a suspect and there was a shoot out and I.." Kate looked down and barely whispered

"And I almost got shot. Oh god it was so close Rick."

She grabbed his t shirt and buried her face in his t shirt. Rick gently rubbed her back and said "It's all okay Kate. You're here. You're with me."

She looked back at him and continued "I was okay all day after at the precinct, everything was fine. But then when I got home the fear set in. I decided to go to bed and as soon as I slept well the nightmares began. And.. They were all.. They were all about losing you Rick."

She stared in his eyes and whispered "I was so scared Rick. So scared."

"Oh Kate." Rick said and held her tighter. He saw a tear escape Kate's eyes and he gently wiped it of her cheek.

"Kate I'm sorry I wasn't here. But look I'm fine. I'm absolutely fine and I'm right here baby. I'm here for you." Kate buried her face on Rick's chest and asked "Promise you'll never leave me? Tell me you'll stay here forever."

Rick buried his face in her hair and said "Always Kate." He pulled away from her and gently kissed her lips and said

"You look tired. Why don't you sleep?"

"You'll stay here?"

"I'll be right here when you wake up."

"You must be tired too. I'll sleep if you do."

"Let's sleep Kate."

He kissed her once again and held her tighter as she gently closed her eyes

 **A/N I am sorry if Kate seems a bit ooc but as I said before I love writing about the emotional part of her. Please leave a review!**


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